As a first post, I will reveal right off the bat that I don’t have a plan. I don’t have a plan to captivate a specific audience, build a brand or aim toward any website traffic goals. I have attempted to start blogs with goals like that in mind and found myself uninspired and defeated just trying to pick out a theme. I [used to?] consider myself a writer and my plan is to revive that identity. I was a diary-keeping little girl, a journalling teenager and an avid blogger / Diaryland keeper in the early 2000s. There were no plans but to write out the contents of my heart and I was fulfilled with doing just that. Somehow I got lost along the way, abandoned my passion for writing and felt my words become intimidated by the plethora of blogs that the Internet is exploding at the seams with, trying to “be” a certain someone with meaningful words, share a great DIY project, rant on a subject or express some inspirational musings on this or that topic. My writing is none of those things. My life is not a rant, or some emotional revelation nor do I have crafty hands or a brain filled with DIY projects or genius 10-minute meal recipes accompanied by professional photos. This blog will be an attempt to fit in some sort of regular exercise for my writing muscle that has been in a state of atrophy for almost 8 years. My plan is for this blog to be as bare, gritty and true to myself as my writing used to be at 18.
Only now I am 30. And my life is immeasurably blessed, steady but chaotic, monotonous some days and equally adventurous others. My writing is foreign to me today, since my voice has changed so much in the years between. My inspiration is now in the form of a tiny baby boy who has revealed the vastness of my capacity to love and my soul mate who is my ultimate gift from God, and my goals are every day trying to live my life inside and outside of my heart as vertically-oriented as possible. My past days as a “writer” were filled with loveless entries and a hardened heart, and people loved hearing me write and sing about it. And today, as I explore and embrace this quiet and calm place in my life, what I thought was a writer’s block was absolutely God’s hand quieting the turmoil that stirred me for so long, and what used to inspire me. My life has changed in 8 years and so has my voice, and ultimately, my plans have become His plans.